


Peter and the Deadpool

by SugeredFox



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Beauty and the Beast, Blood, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-13 22:43:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4540248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugeredFox/pseuds/SugeredFox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool is tired of looking like a freak so whats a man to do but hold smart people hostage and make them solve all your problems!  And Peter is just the smarty he was looking for.</p><p>A Beauty and the Beast AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prolog

**Author's Note:**

> Yellow Box is {....}  
> White is [....]

[Once upon a time there was an asshole named Wade Wilson]

{A stupid asshole!}

[Who thought that he could be something greater then what he was but he got sick. So he let doctor’s experiment on him and it turned out like shit.]

{He became a crazy, stupid asshole.}

[And one ugly mother fucker to boot. Ashamed of his appearance, Wade sewn himself a suit and became a mercenary. Once the money started rolling in, Wade found-]

{Stole!}

[Fine. Wade stole a lab and began to hire-]

{You mean trick people into coming, locking them inside and forcing the scientists to find him a cure and if they didn’t he would chop them up into to itty, bitty bits? }

[Who is telling the story here?]

{* Sigh* You are….}

[How are you sighing? We are inside his head?]

{Don’t tell me how to live my life!!}

[…Anyway back to the story. Wade started to hire scientists to fix his horrible ugliness. Every time one would fail he would look for a new one to replace the fuck up. It was bordering on ten years with nothing to show and Wade was giving up hope to finding a cure for his fucked up face.] 

{For who could ever love or like or want to be around or even stand a piece of shit like him?}

Wow. Thanks guys, you really know how to make a guy all warm and fuzzy.

{It’s a talent.}

[We aim to please.]


	2. Take me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yellow box is [..]  
> White bos is {..}

To say that Peter was having bad day would be an understatement. Harry had left him a chocolate protein shake (which tasted of dirt) because apparently eating blueberry Poptarts for breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner was a “bad thing” and “unhealthy”. Then it rained, no scratch that, it poured. Heavy rain and wind whipped Peter’s poor defenseless umbrella until it threatened to snap. The young man was forced to close it up and let the rain soak his body. Just when he was reaching for the doors to Oscorp Flash came barreling out, shoving Peter into the door making him drop all of his belongings.

  
“Watch it puny Parker!” Flash hiss, kicking Peter’s bag into a puddle. Before Peter could snap back Flash was gone, shoving his way past other coworkers. Peter signed.

  
“Can this day get any worse?” Peter mumbled, retrieving his now sopping wet messenger bag. The answer to that was a big fat yes. Three steps into the elevator Peter realized he had forgot Gwen's coffee yet again. 

Peter was a smart kid, always was and Gwen was just as smart. They met in high school and bonded over weird animal facts and their love of science. Together they went to college for a Bio degree in Ecologist. It wasn’t a shock to anyone when the two of them applied and got the same job at Oscorp.

  
“Hey Gwen!” Peter called out as he made his way into their shared workspace.

“Sorry I didn’t make it to Starbucks today. I had a crappy morning and it just slipped my mind.” He was met with silence. Odd, the light was on and Gwen’s purse was sitting on her desk. Peter looked a around the office and the moved into the side lab they had.

  
“Gwen?” Nothing. Peter pushed open the door to the supple closet letting out a shriek. The blond was locked in a tight grip of a very tall, muscular man and not in the fun way. The man was dressed in a red and black spandex outfit (once again not in the fun way), weapons of all kinds hung off his body, knives, guns and holy shit are those katanas? Oh fuck! A gun pressed to Peter forehead. This was by far the worse day in Peter’s life.  
\----  
Wade was having an average day. Cold tacos for breakfast, reruns of the Golden Girls while waiting for the newest batch of scientist to tell him they could do diddle swat about his fucking ugly mug.

  
{Hehehe, you said diddle…}

  
After the old windbag stuttered out that he failed to find any clues to how to heal him, Wade did the other average thing he normally did. He shot him in the fucking head. Hey no worries that bastard was from Hydra.

  
[Then why did we think he would help us?]

  
{We did tell him we were going to cut his nuts off if he didn’t.}

  
[Don’t know why he freaked out about that? Wasn’t like he was using them anyway.]

  
Wade didn’t bother to clean the mess up before running off to find the next smarty. He was on a tight schedule. Being ugly was a putting a damper on Wade’s sex life.

  
[I think being crazy is also is a turn off]

  
“Shut up.” Wade mumbled as he quickly scaled the wall of Oscorp. He jimmied a window open and slid through. Not bothering to check the sighs Wade aimlessly wandered the halls, until he found an open door.

  
“Well it looks like science-y enough. There are beakers and goggles! Ohh! They even have a ‘Just hang in there’ poster!” Wade exclaimed.

  
[How is that relevant?]

  
{How isn’t that relevant?}

  
“Peter? Is that you? Cause I could use that red eye right about now….you’re not Peter.” Wade nodded at the women who had just stepped in. She was not too shabby to look at. Long blond hair, big blue eyes and a phone pressed against her ear. Well that just won’t do. Wade was in front of her in three steps, ripping the phone away from her and crushing it under his boot. Before she could say another word (or scream for help) Wade clamped a hand over her mouth.

  
“Hey Gwen!” Another voice shouted out. Shit on a taco. Wade pulled this Gwen into the only place he could think of, the closest.

  
{Hey doesn’t like half of fanfiction start here?}

  
“Yes but that leads to gay sex most of the time.” Gwen chopped down on his hand and then gave a back kick to Wades shin.

  
“Ouchie! But kudos on the defense kid. If I wasn’t me and I am me, that would have took me down or at lest made it easier for an escape.” The man called out for Gwen again, getting closer to their hiding spot.

  
[It’s an awful place to hide.]

  
{I agree!}

  
“Not like there was much choice.” Wade snapped, maneuvering Gwen so he could reach one of his guns. The door was pulled open to reveal one of the most adorable man Wade has ever seen.

  
{Looks just like Andrew Garfield but with thicker glasses, yum!}

  
Deadpool press his gun against the stunned man, eyes roaming over that skinny but beautiful body.

  
“I can explain but really nothing would make this any better so kid I’m going to give you to the count of three and then I’m going to blow your fucking brain out. One. Two…”

  
{Buckle my shoe!}

  
“No, three comes after two, I can count to ten you know.” The spandex man said. The boxes knew damn well he could count those ass hats.

  
“Wait! Look what ever you are doing don’t do it, leave Gwen alone. Do you want money; I will give you everything I have in my wallet. Just please, don’t hurt her ok?” The man said, voice shaking, body tense.

  
“I don’t need money Andrew, what I need is help-“

  
{[In more ways then one.]}

  
“ I’m not Andrew but I will help you! I promise! Just take me instead”

  
{Oh baby!}

  
Wade stared at the smaller man. It was worth a shot, it wasn’t like he could do any worse.

  
“Any worse with what?” Damn, talking out loud again.

  
“Yes you are.” Deadpool hummed.

  
“Ok sure, you can help.” Wade lowered the gun and shot Gwen in the leg. Not Andrew jerked in surprise, falling to where Deadpool had shot her.

  
“Relax kid, it was a tranq gun.” With that Wade shot the man in the arm and lifted him over his shoulder.

  
“Now to get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know of any mistakes you might find, thank you. <3


	3. A Promise is a promise

Peter woke with a moan, everything hurt. It felt like an elephant sat on him, then got up and sat down again. The young man rolled to his side, taking in his surroundings. The room was windowless, the only light source were from the fluorescent lights flickering every few minutes. Various types of hospital equipment were scattered around along with wide steal lab tables and lamps. An automated DNA sequencer stood to the far left. There was just so much tec that Peter thought for one quick moment that maybe he was in Tony Starks’ lab. That was until a big red and black body came bursting in singing at the top of his lungs “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent.

“Andrew/Not Andrew!” He called out seeing that Peter was awake. “I would take you to the candy shop anytime. Has anyone told you that your ass is as soft as a marshmallow? Cause it is. I felt it. Multiple times.” He made a squeezing motion and then pretended to cup the imaginary butt in front of him. “Hey baby cakes, would you be interested in licking my lollipop? It’s homemade. I’m thinking of calling them Pop-pools.” The man, I kid you not, whips out a pink dick shaped pop from one of the pouches on his thigh and shoves it in Peters face.

{You guys thought it was something dirty did you, you pervs.}

[In all farness that is on the dirty side.]

{Hey do you think that Peter can hear us too if the reader is reading this?}

[No we are just popping in to voice what everyone is thinking.]

{And what that might be?}

[That the author is being gross only three chapters in….and How do you know that Andrew-I’m-not-Andrew is really Peter?]

{Read ahead! Duh! And they say you’re the smarter one.}

[Don’t be an ass hat]

{I can’t be, I don’t have an ass but if I did it would be just as fine as our little captive.}

Peter was still staring at the man; not knowing the turmoil that was going on in is captor’s skull.

“I think I’m going to pass.” _Wow brain that’s what you say to your kidnapper? Not ‘let me go’ or ‘why did you take me’?_

The taller man nodded.

“I feel you. Strawberry not your fav.”

“Its not that! You kidnapped me! I don’t want anything to do with you!” Peter burst out.

“Ah, ah, ah. You said that you would help me. Its rude to make a promise and not keep it.” Even with the mask on Peter could tell the man was pouting. Peter deflated. There was noting much he could do but follow this mans rules and do what he wanted. Maybe if he played along it would be easier to gain the other mans trust. Trust could lead to freedom or a room with a blunt object.

“What do you need me to do?” The scientist asked.

“Right down to business, I like it. Well even though you didn’t ask, soooo ruuuded, I’m Wade, aka Deadpool, aka Merc with a mouth, aka Sugar Titz, with a ‘z’ cause no one really uses ‘z’s that much maybe other counties but no the U.S. of A but that name is only on stripper nights. Which are every Friday and Tuesday. I thought that Tuesday were a good day cause noting good ever happens on Tuesdays, just ask the Winchester bro’s. Ah those over grown angst balls-”

“What do you want me to do!” Peter yelled cutting of the man-Deadpools chatter.

“I want you to make me…” Deadpool paused. The spandex man shuffled from side to side.

“Yes?” Peter prompted, rolling his hand in a ‘go on” motion.

“I need you to make me…Oh fuck! Just figure out how to make this go the hell away.” He threw a small box at Peter before storming out of the room, murmuring low to himself. Peter only got a few snatches of it. ‘Fuck’, ‘what a freak’ and ‘scare the shit out’ was what Peter was able to gather.

Peter examined the box. It smelled coppery, yet sweet. Dark brownish stains webbed out from one of the corners and it was slightly moist. No time like the present. Peter thought to himself. He ripped off the tape, lifted the lid and choked on vomit. Inside lay a chuck of writhing flesh, blood still oozing in spots. Scars, lines and what appear to be lumps twisted the tissue. What the fuck.  What the ever-loving fuck. 


	4. But I gave you tacos..

Wade all but ran away from the young man once he presented the box containing a chuck of his arm. For some stupid reason, Wade didn’t want to see the freaked out look Peter was going to get when he opened said box.(And of course he knew Peter’s name!)

[Yes kids it’s called pick-pocketing.]

{Always do it to ensure that you kidnapped the right person. You don’t get paid if you snatch the wrong body!}

“Plus you get to cop a feel.” Wade replied, once again getting his mind stuck on how nice Peter’s ass really was.

[But don’t really do that unless you ask the cutie to touch the bootie.]

{Too bad you’re never going to get that, or near that ever again.}

“I know! You don’t have to remind me, and this isn’t about a quick lay even if we do rock in the sack. This is about fixing my face and getting the pain to go the fuck away.” The Merc said, flopping into a well-worn armchair. Time to unwind with the queen of television. He mindlessly flicked threw the channels until Bea Arthur came on screen.

It wasn’t until Golden Girls turned into an info commercial about an egg on a stick did Wade realizes how late it had gotten. He made a quick decision to order delivery. No question about it he was getting fucking tacos, one of the best foods known to man, but one of the boxes piped up that maybe, just maybe he should get Peter something as well.

“That would be what a good host would do and I do throw a mean party.” So instead of just buying his standard twenty tacos Wade got forty; cause who knows how much that string bean could put away. Once the food arrived (thank Lady Death for Tac-o-ram-a’s delivery service) Deadpool arranged the food into a shape of a flower.

“If I learned anything from watching the Food Network is you eat with your eyes and if it looks like ass then who the fuck wants to taste it and author if you even try to bring in a dirty joke about Pete’s buns let me stop you there, cause everybody is already thinking it.”

The author pouts but doesn’t try to write a butt joke, there is always another chapter waiting to be filled with them.

[They have a problem]

“They know they do.” Wade said cheerfully, swigging open the door to where the young man was. “OOOOHHHHHHH!!! Honey! I have dinner!” A beaker crashed into his face. “That’s not a nice way to treat your host.” This time a petri dish came flying at him “Do that again and I will eat all the tacos.”

“I’m not going to eat them anyway! You could have poisoned them for all I know!” The brunet exclaimed continuing to throw objects at Wade.

“Gasp! How could you? Don’t ever mess with the tacos man. They are like my family, but nicer and more crunchy and not Canadian.” Peter paused at that.

“You’re…Canadian?”

“Yes.”

“…”

“Is it that hard to believe?”

“Well, ya. You don’t exactly scream out ‘Canadian’”

“OMG! Are you one of those people who think that all Canadians gave their evil to Justin Beaver? I will let you know that we are just as violent as you Americans.”

Pete snorted.“You just called him Justin ‘Beaver’.”

“That isn’t his name?”

Peter shook his head no, a smile appeared on the young man, for one moment.

“Look Deadpool. I still don’t know what you want me to do. You want me to fix that thing-”

“Me.”

“You?”

“That’s a small amount of my arm in the box.” Peter choked on air, eyes darting over to the waste basket.

“You threw my arm meat away?” Whined Wade.

“I didn't know what you wanted me to fix! I looked at it, poked it, poured acids on it, I even fucking x-rayed it. All I did was destroy it.” Wade’s shoulders slumped.

“You said that was from you right? So I can guess that whatever is wrong with your arm is serious?”

“Yup, seriously all over my body.” Muttered Wade not daring to meet Peters eyes when he announced it. Don’t pity the fool. “I need to get my skin back to being like skin again, right now it’s stuck at ‘ground meat’ or ‘pizza’ setting.”

“Wow, that’s…rough.”

“You have no fucking clue.” The two men stood in silence.

“How about those tacos?” Wade looked that Peter. The younger man gave yet another small smile, one Wade knows he doesn’t deserver but will take anyway.

They munched on their food; Wade talking nonstop about how much of a kick ass person Kim Possible would be in real life. “I bet she could crush your head in her thighs!”

“She would never do that! She doesn’t kill people Deadpool!”

Over all a meal with company was nice to have. Wade was just starting to feel relaxed when Peter threw an arm over his shoulder.

“Ah… Baby boy what are you doing?” He went on high alter when Peter snuggled into his side. Don’t freak out! Don’t freak out!

[Don’t smell his hair!]

{Smell his hair!}

“You know, just…finding… the right thing.” Quicker then Wade thought Peter could move, the man slipped the gun strapped in his thigh holster out and leveled it with Wades face. “I’m going to move to the door. Come near me and I will shoot you, got it?”

“But things were going to so good Peter!” The scientist’s face paled. Peter stumbled backward to the door.

“How do you know my name?! No! Don’t answer me! Just stay the fuck away!”

Wade made an aborted move to stand. Bam! Wade could feel the blood trickling out of the bullet hole in his chest.

“Oh my god, ohmygodohmygod! I’m sorry ImsorryImsorry!” Peter bolted, leaving Wade bleeding out. It wasn’t like it was that bad, in fact Wade to feel it closing already. He sighed.

“Looks like I have to track his ass down. Hey readers, do you think I was doing good until the whole shooting thing?”

[I think you were. It could have ended with Peter getting shot.]

{In the head!}

[That would have sucked.]

 


	5. This time for real

Peter didn’t have a clue where he was going; he just knew he had to get out. He pushed the image of Deadpool bleeding out of his mind. Anger should be poring out of every pore in his body but with every step away from the strange spandex clad man, Peter felt a growing sense of guilt. Yes Deadpool took him to who knows where, yet…he really needed help. Whatever was wrong with his skin was hella suck-y.

Technically Peter hadn’t been lying when he said that he didn’t know what to do. I mean really what does one do with a box full of human meat? After chocking back puke Peter prodded the chunk with the end of a beaker, when it didn’t move to consume his face, (it could happen!) he sliced a thin layer off and stuck it under a microscope.

It was…incredible. The flesh was healing itself even after the multiple mutations. The dead cells split, forming new almost healthy cells before withering into nothing. This happened for about five minutes before the slice of skin stopped doing what ever the hell it was doing. 

The young man proceeded to cut bits away from the main sample, trying out as many experiments as he could think of and watched how the flesh reacted to it. At one point, for a brief moment, the scared skin turned a calm flesh-y tone. All the scaring melted into nothing but just as quickly as it happened all the boils and scars came back.

There wasn’t a clock in the room but from how loud Peter stomach was complaining he knew it was well past dinnertime. He had a plan too. Peter was going to knock Deadpool out or smack him in the balls with a chair, throw acid at him (just a little, death wasn’t the goal) but it backfired.  
Deadpool was surprisingly nice (?), and brought him food and made weird jokes. Shit, can anyone say Stockholm syndrome? It’s too early in the game if you ask Peter to start to feel attached. It’s just; if they met in a non-people-stealing way they might have been friends. Maybe Peter should just turn around go back and help heal the damage he caused but he shot the mercenary! Peter bet that if he went back the other man would shoot him in return  
.  
While trying to make up his mind, Peter banked a right and collided with a very solid object, scratch that, a very solid muscled man. 

“Whoa! Some one needs to calm down on the muscle milk.” Peter really hated his lack of brain to mouth filter. Muscle milk man or MMM for short roared, yes fucking roared, at Peter smacking him into the wall.

“Where is HE! Where IS DEADPOOL! I musT find HIM!” MMM screamed.

“Hopefully getting you a tic-tac and have you thought about picking which words to yell cause what you have chosen seems a bit unnecessary -” A meaty hand clamped down out his windpipe.

“HYdra IS LOOKING for him!” MMM shook Peter, smashing his head into a wall, not hard enough to make him black out but hard enough to know that in a few hours a decide size bruise was going to make an appearance.

“That’s….great …..for them.” Peter said between gasping for breath. 

“Now, now let the poor boy go.” Drawled a red headed man. Where do they keep popping up from? Fucking Mario warp pipes? The new player was leaning against a wall, polishing his nails and wearing sunglasses. What a douche cannoli. At lest MMM grip loosened. 

“I know that you know where Deadpool is and unlike my-” Douche glasses paused overly dramatically for Peter’s taste. “Friend there I can tell that we can find it in the building behind you. If it didn’t want to be found it should have taken the tracking chip out of my scientist but I can’t say it’s the brightest thing in the toolbox.” The red head said with a tisk. Ok Peter wasn’t hearing things wrong, that guy was calling Deadpool an ‘it’. 

“Why do you want him?” Peter asked. Letting the crazy man rant will hopefully give Peter enough time to think of a way to escape, and find help.

“It has a certain…quality that I want, very much.” God. Talk about creepy as hell. Peter prayed that where he shot Deadpool wasn’t fatal and that the older man could get out before this Hydra person found him.

“The treatment almost worked last time, so sad that we forgot how inconvenient it is to have around the house.” As the man ranted about how he and his fellow assholes had experimented on Deadpool for some sort of healing factor, Peter spotted the man in question sneaking up behind the Hydra worker. 

“You know, for someone who thinks they are the best and brightest, you’re about as smart as a rock.” Peter said interrupting the man’s rant.

“What?”

But Deadpool didn’t waste anytime; in fact he didn’t even drag it out to a fight. MMM went down after five shots to the head (in the same spot) and Peter took out McDouche with a swift kick to the balls and Deadpool finished him with a snap to the neck.

The two men took a step back from the bodies. Peter should be feeling guilty or at lest upset cause taking a life, not cool but instead he felt a swell of protectiveness for the spandex man.

“So he was pleasant.” Peter said. Deadpool nodded.

“Ya, he wasn’t so bad, had hands like ice though. I remember I always hated when he touched my feet.” He shuttered, causing Peter to grin.

“So you might not believe me but this time, for real, I’m going to help you.” Deadpool made a noise of disbelief.

“No really. I have a feeling in my gut that they are going to keep sending people after you. So lets start over so I can help you not get tortured by a psycho extremist group.” Peter stuck out his hand.

“Hi, I’m Peter Parker. I like spiders, black and white photography and noodles of any kind.” Through the mask Deadpool smiled.

“I’m Dea- Wade. I like the booty, tacos and shooting stuff and Bea Arthur and way to many things, believe me kid, I can go on for days. FOR DAYS SON! About anything and everything. Like did you know that back when brushing your teeth was a myth sailors thought that sea cows were mermaids? Like really? I can see it cause they got some curves but not for realz so I guess that means I cant see it-Hey Kid! Peter! Where are you going?!” Peter chuckled as he walked back the way he came.

“I’m going to the lab so you can tell me exactly what they want from you so we can make sure they don’t get it.” Deadpool stood there, frozen, like he didn’t really think Peter was going to help.

“Come on, we don’t have all day. I have not clue when Hydra might be back, oh! Check to see if our friends over there are tagged with tracking chips.”

“On it, salt and burn the bodies.” Wade said, pulling out a box of matches and a bag of salt (from where Peter didn’t even want to guess). 

“Sounds like a plan.”


	6. Getting Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Work has been slowly killing me. Thanks for the support, you all have been wonderful.

Gwen woke feeling a tad hung over. It took her a few moments gather her thoughts and remember what had happened. 

“Shit!” Gwen shot up and stubbled to the door. She needed to find Harry. If anyone had the resources to find Peter it was going to be him.

“Harry! Peter got his skinny butt taken by a man in a costume!” Gwen exclaimed when he burst into Harry’s office. Her friend dropped his stack of papers in shock.

“What? What! Wait! WHat! How?”

“The guy tried to take me but Peter the hero told him to take him instead.” Gwen said waving her hands around. Harry frowned, tapping his finger to his lip.

“You said the guy was wearing a suit right? Do you think he is part of a super villain group? We should contact Stark. He might know if there is a new player on the board and unlike the other super hero’s he is more open about info.”

“That and you buy most of his new inventions.” Harry cracked a smile at that.

“True. Its good to have connections.” He dialed Starks number more then confidant that the genus would know who the masked man was and where his best friend might be.   
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So you want me to give you the plot to my life huh?” Wade asked, flopping down on to a desk. “ You want to clean my dirty laundry? Freshen my air?”

Peter nodded, as he took a seat on one of the lab desks’.

“Besides my stacked ass and thick dong-” Oh look at that blush! Peters face turned a spectacular shade of red, starting at his neck and moving its way up to the very tips of his cute ears. Can ears even be cute? The answer is hell yes. Taking pity on him Wade went back on topic.

{WHAT!}

[Are you sure? That doesn’t seem like the Wade we know.]

{Aliens. That is the only good answer to this.}

“Hydra wants my healing factor. You shot me.” Wade waved a hand at his stomach, there was a hole in the cloth but the wound its self was gone. “It’s a handy thing to have. I can have had my head cut off and in about an hour I will come back to life, just like a Furby. As you can guess, this shit would be great for battling people like Captain America and Black Widow. I got gutted by her once and Petey I got to be strait {Heeeeehehehe! Strait} it felt slightly arousing. So imagine sane, normal people who have the ability to cut off an arm, get blown up, even stabbed in the chest with an elephant tusk and walk away in the end with nothing but a ruined outfit.”

“What do you mean by sane and normal?” Asked Peter.

“You didn’t notice the ground meat texture that is known as my face when we ate together? Or how I talk to myself.”

[Don’t forget your bouts of self hatred which leads to a gun to the head.]

“In all fairness I was to busy coming up with ways to get out of here then to pay close attention to your face.”

“That’s is a relief cause guuuurrrl! Let me tell you that it is a sight worth missing.” Peter fidgeted looking unsure.

“I’m sure its not-”

“It is. So back to me, Hydra wants to repeat me but only all the good stuff. So far they have been failing and they need to keep on failing. The world doesn’t need me me’s running around in it.”

“So you want to find a way to take away your healing factor?” Wade nodded, glad that Peter was finally catching on.”

{Only took 6 chapters.}

Peter got a determined look in his eyes.

“Then lets do this. Lets beat Hydra.” God the kid had so much spunk. 

{Heheehehe} 

[Will you stop that? It's not that kind of spunk.]  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week had gone by and the unlikely duo wasn’t anywhere near a solution to Wade’s problem. In fact they were stuck at the same part where Hydra was. Wade could tell that Peter was feeling down. His smile was a little less bright with each failure. Wade was….shocked. No one in years, maybe ever, felt like they could do better for him. People wanted him to get better for them but here was this kid; scrawny, glasses wearing nerdy, hottie, apologizing to him. Wade wanted to do sometime to show he cared and appreciated everything Peter was doing when he didn’t owe Wade a damn thing.

[He likes photography.]

“Does he?”

{Yup, said so a while ago.}

[Build him a dark room.]

“I don’t know how to do that shit.”

{That’s what the Internet is for. Gosh its like you live in a cave.”}

“In all fairness I thought the Internet was for porn?”

[That is true but it’s for much more then porn.]

{I bet they have twinks just like Peter on there.}

Shit. Now Wade couldn’t help but think of Peter, sprawled out on a bed. Wade’s bed. Rumpled sheets, body lightly coated in sweat, Peter’s hand pumping furiously at his cock. Would it be cut or with foreskin? Would it lean to the left or curl up to his tummy? Wade would bet his never-ending life on Peter being a screamer. Little gasps and moans growing louder with every stroke, face blushing a cherry red as his cock leaks beads of precum. Blue eyes crossing right when he hits his peak, throwing back his head, screaming his climax….

Double shit. Wade is going to need a cold shower.


	7. Surprise Surprise

Building a darkroom was a lot harder then it sounded. It wasn’t just going into a room and shutting off the lights, no, it involved chemicals and sinks and development. It took Wade longer then what he would have liked. In the end it was worth it, at lest he hoped it would be worth it. 

[Peter is going to love it.]

{Yup! That sweet little nerd is going to eat this up.}

“To bad it’s not us he would be eating.”

[You never know. He might enjoy eating ass.] Wade smacked his face into a wall, hard enough to make his nose crack in an uncomfortable way. It was not the right time to be thinking about sexing up Peter or Peter and sex…mmmm sexy Pete…

{And now for a short commercial break.}

No. No. Wade was fine. He didn’t need to rub one out, not now maybe later, right now he needed to get his baby boy and show him how much he appreciate him. Butterflies fluttered in the pit of his belly as Wade walked/jogged to where Peter was sprawled out. The younger man was taking a break from the lab after yet another failed attempt at restoring Wade to his former glory. Holy salsa the kid was gorgeous. Long legs made for wrapping around pounding hips, elegant fingers useful for more then delicate experiments. Wade would give anything to have them on his body, even if it was nothing more then a friendly pat on the back.

“Hey there baby boy. I got something to show you.” Without waiting for a reply Wade pulled Peter onto his feet. Excitement and nausea clashed and Wade hoped that throwing up was not on the menu.

“Where are we going?” Peter asked, small giggles escaped as he was tugged along.

“To a cool place made for cool people.”

“Are you sure you want to show me then?”

“Petey-pie, you are the coolest of the cool. So cool the boxes and I are going to make explorer badges just like in up but with none of the angst unless we never make in to Adventure Falls but if I am the one not to make it then you have to go on without me. Make sure you find a bird and name it Kevin. Oh Good! We’re here!” 

Wade took a breath and…froze. What if Peter didn’t like it? What if he thought it was creepy that a killer would build him sometime? Is it creepy for a killer to build someone a dark room? Or anything for that matter? Or maybe-

“Hey?” Wade felt a warm hand on his cheek. Peter oh so gently turned Wade to face him.

“I can see that you are going way to deep in that head of yours. You don’t have to show me now, there is always tomorrow.” Peter gave Wade a bright smile. 

“No. I…I did this for you because you deserve to have a place to escape if you need to cause I know that I get annoying, believe me, and I want to start to repay you. Peter you are helping me for god knows why and I don’t think I can ever express how much that means to me.” Peter shook his head.

“ I never thought that kidnapping could lead to having a good time but I guess you never fit into any box have you?”

“Not really but there was this one time when I latterly fit into a box. Many boxes.”

When Peter removed his hand Wade felt like the Arctic Tundra swept through the building.

“Come on. I want to see what my surprise is!”

With newfound confidence Wade throw open the door to Peter’s new dark room. However our masked man thought Peter would act it was nothing compared to excited babbling and bright as the sun grins he was getting. Not to mention when Wade presented a new camera.

“You are shitting me!” Peter exclaimed, dashing at Wade and throwing his arms around the taller man. 

[Would you look at that, we got our hug.]

{Sweet! That is going right into the spank bank! MMMmmm! Smells like Old Spice and tacos.}

“This is amazing! Thank you! Way better then I one I have at home and its clean! How much effort did it take for you to not make a mess?” Peter teased still clinging on the Merc. 

“More then you will ever know. Shit on a curb, I almost forgot the second part to your surprise.”

{[Second?!]}

“You really don’t need to…”

“I know.” Wade interrupted. Of course he didn’t need to but when he saw how joyful Peter was Wade needed to continue that feeling. Did he have any idea what the second surprise was? That my fine friend was a big fat fucking no.

“Just wait for me to come and get you ok? I promis it wont be boring like an office party minus the booze.” 

“Those are the worst.” With more surprising to plan Wade left Peter to explore more of the dark room.

[Well genius, what is your next bright idea?]

{Get his socks!}

“Why the fuck would I get him socks?”

{Guys always need sock.}

[Some do use them to masturbate into.]

“Now that just doesn’t seem pleasant at all. Were did you learn about that shit White?”

[The Internet and fanfics.]

“No wonder, it isn’t just shit its bullshit.” 

{How about a party!}

“That’s not a bad idea! Lets plan a party!”

[With only two people? That would be fun. Not. Let do a dinner instead. A little wine, a little dine and perhaps a bit of brown chicken brown cow.]

“That’s another thing from the web isn’t it?”

[You better your crusty ass it is.]

A romantic-but-not-cause-they-are-best friends-5ever dinner. Wade can do that.

{[But no tacos!]}

Shit. Maybe he couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sorry it took me sooooooo long, work was killing me slowly. I hope to update sooner. Thanks <3


	8. Tale as old as fucking time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took so long! Please forgive me!
> 
> [What! You think that just saying 'sorry' is going to help? Where were you author?!! Where. Were. You.]
> 
> Sorry!!
> 
> {Enough with the excuses!!! Just get to the chapter!}

Peter had been with Wade now for two weeks. Two very long, weird, slightly fun two weeks. For someone who kills as their main source of income Wade was surprising sweet and thoughtful. The dark room he built was perfect and the camera he stashed in a taco bag for Peter to find was just like the one he had at home. During the beginning Peter had tried to find any source of escape or at lest an inking to where he was. There was a wide flat screen TV. in what could be called a living room if it wasn’t full of trash, blood stains and broken arm chairs. When Peter tried the tv it wouldn’t play anything but movies, while entertaining, Bruce Willis was not going to tell him the news. Peter tried to go for a walk outside. Tried is the key word. There was so much snow and ice piled in front of the main door Peter would have to dig his way out. Peter didn’t give up per say but he did put it on hold.

As the week when on he found himself having …fun. Peter found Wade funny, it at first shocked both of them when Peter let out a snort at one of Deadpools poorly timed ass jokes. At the end of the week you could call them maybe friends. Now two weeks later Peter didn’t want to tell Wade the truth.  
He couldn’t fix him. The science miracle Wade was looking for was too great for Peter to find on his own in the lab that really wasn’t a lab. To know that the Merc was doing another surprise for him didn’t sit well. 

“AAAAAANNNNND I’m tonight, You know my hips don’t lie and I am starting to feel you. Come on, lets go, realllll slow. Don’t you see baby asi es perfecto!!” Wade sang, shaking his hips to the offbeat tune he was singing. “Baby boy! What’s shaking?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows through the mask. 

“You are.” Peter pointed out, giving the Merc a small smile.

“True you are. So I have it all set up for you, all you need to do is show up at five pm in the ballroom.”

“You have a ballroom?” 

“Yes! Well no, not that kind of ‘ballroom’ but it sounded better then the big empty room toward the front. I think it was once a mudroom. Don’t know why anyone would keep mud in a room. Unless it was for half naked ladies do’in a little mud wrestling. Mmmm, fond memories right there. I should make it a mudroom again after this and maybe you and I can do some ‘wrestling’ ourselves if you catch what I’m saying or I can catch, I’m not picky.” Peter stifled a giggle, blushing a bright cherry red.

“Ya, he is a cutie.” Wade said to no one before bounding out of the room, reminding Peter of an overgrown puppy.

When four thirty rolled around Peter combed his hair with his fingers, brushed his teeth and poked the dark circles under his eyes. He was a couple shades of not looking so hot. A lack of razor left his face with a patchy beard and made Peter feel like a wild animal. Wearing Wades oversized pj’s wasn’t helping either. 

Peter easily found the room Wade was talking about, the large hand painted sign reading ‘Dis is a Ballroom’ was a big give away. Wade was right, it wasn’t anything close to a ballroom. The place was tiny as hell, red and brown spots stained the walls, floor and part of the ceiling, a fold out table and chair set kiddy cornered the far end of the room. Salt and Pepper could be heard playing softly in the background. The Merc was fussing over a buffet table, arranging a mountain of food, mostly pancakes, around a broken teapot, a candlestick, a Felix the Cat clock and-

“Holy shit! Is that a body Wade!” Peter screeched. 

“Damn it, I guess that was a bad idea.” The older man mumbled lifting the corps and carelessly throwing it out the window.

“Wash your hands! Why was there a body! Who’s body!? Wash the suit! Holy Lord of the Rings I am not eating anything!” 

“Calm down Pete Pet, it was just some dude from Weapon X, very replaceable.” Peter waved his arms not knowing what to do with that. Then he flush red, the body had distracted him from what Wade was wearing. 

[He seems to be doing that alot.]

{Not our part!!!}

“You likey?” He asked, dragging a hand up and down a barely there red dress. A gauzy fabric lay on top of deep red booty shorts which appeared to be attached to a sparkly top with a sweetheart neckline. The Deadpool mask was firmly in place . To Peters surprise the rest of the suit was nowhere in sight. Large sores and ruby scars lined every inch of exposed muscle. And there was a lot of exposed skin.

Believe it or not Peter felt humbled. Wade, who leaves the room every time he gives Peter a sample of his flesh, willingly exposing himself…it was…

“Great.” Wade froze in place.

“Reeeaaalll?”

“Ya. You look great. One thing. How did you get one in your size, you’re the size of a mountain.”

“I can sew, in fact everyone should learn how to. I can make everything under the sun. I could whip up something in you size if you want.” Wade got up in Peters space measuring the width of his shoulders with his hands.

“Oh yes! You would fab in aqua.” Peter gently batted his hands away.

“I think I will leave the statement pieces to you.”

“You know where to find me when you decide to stop being lame.” Wade grabbed his hand and pulled him more into the room. “Come on, I promise none of the bodies had any of the food aaaaannnnnd its all homemade!” 

Peter did end up eating some of the food (he still wasn’t complete convinced but he wanted to be polite). Afterward Wade hauled him on to the hastily made dance floor.

“Tale as old as time.” Wade mumbled tugging Peter close. 

“What was that?”

“Hmm? Nothing Baby boy. It was nothing at all."


	9. Let it go, Let it go! Please dont sue my ass!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has been a wait, My mom got sick this past months and I haven't felt like writing but now with her on the mend I got the bug again. PS I know it does seem it but I love Canada.

After the weird almost date Wade took him on, Peter began to see the older man pull away from him. It started off with little things. Like not staying late in the lab or just dropping off bags of food instead of bringing them in and eating with him.

Peter really started to get worried when Wade didn’t show up at all one day. He searched the complex not seeing a soul (the dead bodies were still there and holy wet banana did they stink).

When Wade finally did show up he was quite. Oh ya, the merc with the mouth was silent as a mouse. He barely ate the pizza, mashing it with his fork until the cheese ripped off. He didn’t even smile when Peter teased him about eating pizza all posh like.

“I’ll do the dishes.” Wade said scooping up the empty plates. Peter knew he was retreating and he could not let him do that. His friend’s mind was weighed down and Peter wanted to fix it.

“Wade?” Peter called out just as the man made it to the door. “We are going to find a cure. I wont give up so don’t you give up on me.” The mercenary’s body shuttered.

“…Peter.” Wade began but shook his head.

“Wade?”

“I’ll see you in the morning Baby Boy.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Wade knew it was too good to last. The tentative friendship him and Peter had wasn’t enough. Did he really think it would be? Holding the young man that night, dancing with him, staying up until fuck o’clock in the morning, giggling like five year olds it was straight out of a cheesy fairy tail. Wade needed to face the cold hard facts. He was falling in love with the smarty-pants. That shit was not an option.

First off he killed people for a living Peter wouldn’t care for that. Second Petey worked for a company that work with Shield. He did his homework thank you very much. Iron balls would be on his ass faster then you can say tacos. Third He fucking kidnapped the fucking kid! 

{So how did you two meet? ‘How every couple meets now, he threatened my best friend and then held me captive.}

[Fucking cute as a button] 

{I hope you can hear the sarcasm cause it’s fucking strong. Not like he would go for a freak like you.}

[Wade you should let him go and this stupid pipe dream of fixing your face. If Frances King of Dicks couldn’t do it and he was to mess up your face to begin with, then its safe to say you don’t have a fucking chance.]

{Give up.}

[And give up Peter.]

So Wade tried, he really did. He stopped hanging out with the younger man, even going as far as not talking as much when they were together. And let me tell you it did squat. Petey still smiled and joked and had the same stupid amount of hope as ever. 

The tipping point was after dinner one night. Peter was so god dawn earnest and sweet. He barley made it out of the room before that sweetness smothered him. Anger welled up inside him, burning hot and intense. He screwed any sort of chance before he had a chance. Wade lashed out, punching everything in reach. His fist went threw the wall cracking bone in one go. A knife was drawn and so was his blood as he craved down from the wrist to elbow. Blood spilled on the floor but that was nothing new. That’s what he was good for. The only thing he was good and would be good for. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck-a-de fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckFUCK! Boom.

Wade slumped to the ground, a hole gaping from forehead. He just needed some quite.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“This is bullshit! Complete and utter bullshit! How can I a bonfire genius not find one fucking man in a red suit?” Tony yelled nearly punching Bruce in the face with his waving arms.

“I heard a rumor that Deadpool could hope different universe, maybe he really can and took Peter with him.”

“Pffted! You are really thinking that Deadpool, out of everyone in this room has found away to jump dimensions?”

“What if he isn’t in an area near any electronics?” Gwen piped up. Tony whipped around and pointed at her.

“Yes! But I could still find him, I am everywhere baby.”

“Did you try Canada?” Tony jumped about a mile in the air. Damn spies and their sneaking abilities.

“Why would I try Canada Nat? It’s just woods, snow and cold not to mention they would never allow Deadpool anywhere near the boarder, you know Logan would beat his ass.” Natasha gave his a dead eyed stare.

“Tony Deadpool is from Canada, he can legally go there because he is from there and lived there for a good portion of his life.”

“He’s Canadian? Really? He doesn’t exactly scream Canada.”

“Oh my god! Are one of those people who think that Canadians are all sweet and full of maple syrup?” Gwen moaned. Tony just shrugged turning back to his computer. He continued to play around with his navigation system, murmuring to himself and at Bruce, who at this point had given up helping his friend. 

“I’m going to call Logan.” Bruce announced, pushing away from the desk.

“Come on, I’m sure I can find that little bastard.”

“You haven’t yet so it’s time to use the resources we have.”

“You sound like a high school teacher.” Tony said eyes still firmly glued to the screen. “Hmm…Friday is there any places that have been broken into lately up in the great country of Canada? 

“No sir not recently.”

“What about in the last month?”

“Yes but they have been petty crimes and most were caught. May I make a suggestion?”

“By all means.” 

“Have you thought about looking at any mansions purchased.”

“Mansion? How can Deadpool afford something as extravagate as that?” Tony peered up that the ceiling.

“Killing people is surprising expensive.” Natasha injected. “You don’t even want to know how much I was raking in before Shield.” Tony looked like he really did want to know but before the genus could ask Friday interrupted him.

“It looks like Keg Mansion in Toronto has been recently bought out, the buyer paid in cash.”

“Anything else?”

“No.”

“That’s curious isn’t it?” Tony smiled, rubbing his hands together. “Why don’t we pop on over and see how our new neighbors are?”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Wade woke in a pool of his own blood; tacky from the time it had been sitting there. A metallic taste flooded his mouth along with old pizza and just hint of bile. Yummy. On shaky legs Wade pushed himself up right, determination filled his body (along with pain but that’s not new). He was going to let Peter go. It was for the best. The nerd was defiantly going to put up a fight. 

[Taser him.]

{Sleeper Hold!}

[ I know! A punch to the face.]

“How about I just lead him outside?”

“W…wade?” A meek voice said.

“Bob? Is that you?” Sure enough Bob stood shifting nervously from one foot to the other.

“How the fucking hell did you find me? Honestly you? Finding my hidey hole?” Bob’s face paled. "Is this just a lazy way for the author to move this along?"

“Y..you’re not going to shoot me a..are you?”

“Fuck no! Color me impressed but don’t use yellow it washed me out.” Bob the boob actually nodded, what a dork. “So come on, why are you here?”

“Hydra knows about this p..place.” Wade felt any sort of calm slip away. [He was calm?] {Go with it.}

“Are you shitting me?” Wade tugged one gun out of his holder. Bob whimpered as it was placed against his forehead. “Don’t be lying to me Bobby Boy.”

“I’m not!! I swear!!!” Wade let his hand drop down to his side.

[Well you were looking for away to get Peter out of here.]

{Ya! It’s like you prayed and got your wish to come true.}

[I don’t think that how that works.]

{But Jiminy Cricket said so.}

[That’s a wish not a pray you dumbo.]

{Are you saying I’m fat!}

“SHUT UP!” Wade roared turning and emptied a full round into the wall. When Wade turned back to Bob to demand more answers the other was shimming his way out the window. Wade pulled him back, knocking the skinny man out with a whack to the head. 

“Shit fuck cock and balls!” 

{That sounds like a party I want to avoid.}

Wade really had to get Peter out now. This wasn’t about him and his wining anymore. No, this was about doing the right thing for once. If Hydra found Peter anywhere near him they would murder the kid or worse. Bile rose again at the thought of them experimenting on the young man. Wade was not going to let that happen. Not to his friend, not the one he might….you know, that ‘L’ word. Too soon to say it. 

[You’re never going to say it.]

“Its for the best really.”

He found Peter where he always finds Peter, hunched over some test tubes and computer mumbling to himself about compounds or some other science shit. Who knows, who cares, not the writer they are artist not fucking science majors.  
Peter looked up from his work, smile fading.

“Is everything ok?” The younger man asked.

“There is no cure.” Peter’s head tilted in confusion.

“What do you mean? There has to be one.”

“There isn’t and its about time that we understand that and Hydra is just going to keep coming after me and I am always going to look like the gum at the bottom of someone’s shoe.” Peter shook his head, ruffling threw some papers. Wade knew he was trying to find something to use to make him change his mind. It amazed him how good Peter really was and how much of a monster he was in comparison.

“Petey pie… you got to stop. It’s ok. I mean it, its fine. I’m going to take you back.”

“No! I need to help you. Wade you are not a bad person, a little miss guided, rude and you don’t know how to ask for things like a normal person but you aren’t a bad person.” Peter rambled, eyes wide. Something tightened in Wade like the time when his guts were twisted around the tusk of an elephant. 

“You are so wrong kid. I am ugly on the inside and outside and I need to face the music.”

“W…what does that mean?” Peter was now just arms length away. Wade could reach out and take him in his arms, one last time…

“Hydra knows about this place.” Peter paled at the news.

“How?”

“Don’t know don’t care, author person was to lazy to write it in, doesn't matter! But what I do care about is you.” Wade cursed in his head. Why the fuck did he have to say it like that? “What I mean is I want you safe and the only way that is going to happen is if you are fucking far away from me and this place.” Peter, the stubborn ass he was, appeared to want to fight this.

“Baby Boy you know this is for the best Hydra isn’t a walk in the park, more of a walk in a landmine filled room, covered in glass and rusty knives. Plus their dental is shit.” That got a shaky smile from Peter. 

“Come with me.”

“Huh?” Wade asked. Peter looked even more determined now.

“Why don’t we both get out of here? You can crash at my place, we can talk to Tony and the other Avengers, they’ll listen.” Peter began to rant, forming a half-baked plan. Wade knew it wasn’t going to work. Everyone wanted a piece of him. {Kinky} The Avengers wont help a killer like him, they might help him to a prison, maybe a glass one. Loki looked so cool in it but why did they think that was going to hold him? They are so silly sometimes. 

Peter was now rushing around making stacks of papers, ripping up others, all while going on about how they could use the Labs at Oscorp to do something. What that something was wasn’t important, Wade just wanted to look at Peter one last time. He was truly amazing. Wade gave into temptation, pulling Peter close as the other walked by.

“Thanks Baby Boy, you are too good for me.” In a blink Wade press a chloroformed cloth to Peters face. He tighten his hold as the young man struggled.

“Shhh, its ok. You don’t have to worry about me any more. I’ll be fine as long as I know you’ll be fine.” Peter kicked backward. “You never give up huh? I like that about you. How about this, after I take care of this mess why don’t I met up with you and we get those hot dogs you have been raving about?” Peters flailing had slowed down at this point, slumping into Wades hold.

“Yup, that’s it. Relax. You’ll be back home doing your nerdy stuff in your nerdy lab for you’re good looking boss in no time.” Wade allowed himself to cuddle the young man for a minute more, to let the feeling settle into his bones. He might have sneaked a forehead kiss in there too. It wasn’t like it was going to happen ever again so might as well. In the words of the most annoying yet catchy song in the world, it was time to Let It Go.


	10. Bang Bang Fall in Love!

{Wow you are so late! Bad Author! Bad!}

[Three months is pushing it!]

The Author rolls on the floor in despair, beating their head with a notebook.  
“I know! I suck! But I’m back so it counts!”  
{[Ya…as nothing.]

 

Sorry guys…. But thanks for hanging in there! 

 

Believe it or not Wade was some what prepared for Hydra to find him. It would have been awesome sauce if that shit didn’t happen but when you are the best at killing people and everyone wants your sweet ass to do their killing you make sure they can’t kill you.

{Did…that make any sense? I feel my head spinning.}

[I wonder if we are still growing back brain bits?]

Wade ignored the boxes as he carried Peter to a sitting room. 

“Oh! One of you lovelies asked about the good night chloroform I used on Petey Pie.” Wade held up a baggy full of moistened cloth. “Always have these bad boys with me. I’m thinking about selling them to parents, cause who wants a screaming child, just press gently to the brats face and WHAM! Insta-nap!”

[That’s not safe Wade.]

“Nothing is safe anymore so gives a flying fuck? No lets go wait in a bush or something and un-alive some bastards!” Wade ended up on the roof instead cause its way easier to get a head shot from above then from below. Sadly it looked like Hydra had the same idea. 

Around twenty Hydra soldiers were already there, as soon as they saw him they started firing.

“Who taught you guys how to fight!” Deadpool called out dodging the bullets by rolling behind some roof top furniture. 

“You don’t just shoot your whole wad in one go!” They obviously didn’t care or here that helpful advice cause one by one the empty click of guns could heard as they frantically tried to reload. Tried is the key word in that sentence.

“You want to know what’s great about swords?” The Merc asked. “You never have to reload!” He sliced cleanly threw the people on the roof before they could finish loading their guns. When the last body dropped Wade let out a sigh.

“You also don’t stand so close together, what the fuck guys were you all retiring? Was it your birthdays all in the next to days?”

{Maybe they are like the red shirts in Star Trek!}

[Ahh… the sacrificial lambs.]

“They weren’t kidding when they told me you were good.” Wade sighed as he turned to the new voice behind him.

“Really? Are we really going with the ‘I’m going to pretend I don’t know you’re the best, now I’m super impressed’ line? I have heard that way to many times to count. Oh! You’re Madame Viper.” She looked shocked that Wade knew her and wow that’s rude! He can hack into a computer almost as good as Stark can.

“So can we just skip this whole thing?” He asked, kicking a dismembered head toward her.

“Huh!”

“You know, Be part of Hydra, you could do cool things blab la kill you and everyone you love blab la I’m so evil blab la bla la bla. I’m not going to be part of your boyband and I’m not helping shit dicks like you in ruling the world. I would love it if you would just turn that tight ass around get back on the plane you took to get here and FUCK OFF or I’m going to make you fuck off, and by that I mean I will dead you.”

“No can do, you’ll be coming with me Deadpool.”

“Fine! Ok! Me kicking your ass it is, lets go.” Wade fazed behind the Hydra agent smoothly taking out her legs from under her. She fell down only to pop back up again. She lashed out, striking Wade in the hip. She was fast and just like her namesake, deadly. Wade slashed at her, just grazing her arm, slicing a strip of flesh away from her body. Madame Viper hissed in pain but didn’t slow down her assault.

 

Meanwhile Peter, poor chloroformed Peter was waking up. Angry could not even cover the emotions he was feeling. He was going to have a sit down with his masked friend about the right and wrong ways to deal with a situation. Peter slowly got to his feet, the world spinning as he regained his balance.The nerd could hear faint shouting from above him along with crashes and pained yelps. 

“So Hydra must be here.” He said rushing to the door.

Why he went toward the sounds of violence were a mystery to him. Yet the next thing he knew he was shoving the roof door open.

{Psssst! PPPpPPpppPpSSSSSSttttt!!! Author why you making him so dumb!}

[Give them a break, its not like they have that much interaction with real people. They barely leave the house unless it’s for work.]

“What was that?” Peter asked. When nothing spoke up again Peter brushed it off as the wind or an annoying bug passing by.  
A pained gasp caught Peter’s attention. Wade held a blood arm to his chest, spinning his Katana with the other.

“RUDE! That was my favorite pinky finger!” Wade pouted at his pinky-less hand, while avoiding a kick to the ribs from a scantily clad woman. Peter marveled over how well his friend was at fighting. His movements were quick and steady, even when he missed his mark he some how made it look cool instead of a fail. The woman was almost the same but Peter could tell she was getting frustrated that her moves were not hitting their target.

Peter didn’t want to wait around anymore. He picked up one of the fallen agents guns, gagging that the bloody mess. He shifted it until the muzzle was aiming at the ground near her feet. He wasn’t going to harm her but if he distracted her then Wade could find an opening to take her down. He squeezed the trigger and it went off with a pop.  
She made a yelping sound, flinching at a well-placed kick from Wade. She fell face first from the force, skidding across the rooftop.

“Wade W. Wilson is up to bat…he takes aim….and there he goes! What a punt from our star line backer!” Wade cheered landing another blow to the woman’s head.

[I don’t think you got any of those positions right.]

{A for enough!}

“Hey that’s wrong to!” 

Peter didn’t know who Wade was talking to and he didn’t care, Hydra Lady was out for the count, dead people lined the roof and Wade had some explaining to do.

“Deadpool!” Shouted Peter. He made a beeline for his friend, hopping over bodies before crashing into Wades chest and surrounding him with a hug.

“Don’t you ever knock me out again or even think that I’m going to give up or finding a cure! We are in this together and I’m not going to let you just walk away. You fucking kidnapped me, made me like you with your weird dancing and horrible singing and late night taco binging-”

“Oh wait! Spider Senses tingling!” 

“Huh! WADE!” 

Wade pulled away, drawing his gun a fluid motion, it went off with a bang, making a direct hit with the fallen Hydra Lady, but not fast enough. She just managed to slice Wade’s head off at the same time.

Peter screamed in anguish as he caught Wade’s head less body. As carefully as he could Peter laid the bleeding body down, before crawling over to the disembodied head. The young man cradled both head and body, feeling a swirl of heartbreak and fury. 

There wasn’t anything that Peter could do, really, what now? Wade was dead. Shit. Peter felt tears well up and he let them fall.

“You made me want to get to know you outside of whatever the fuck this is.” He whispered pacing Wade’s head to make it look like it was still attached to his body. “I don’t know what to do now Wade. Do I salt and burn your body….or….” Tears dripped down Peters face unchecked. He let himself cry for his friend, for what they could have had and what wasn’t going to happen. They weren’t going to the Avengers Tower to talk to Stark and Banner, Wade wasn’t going to crash in Peters crappy but clean apartment, they weren’t going to see if their friendship would turn into something more.

“Hey…Peter…it’s ok. See? Just got the off switch flicked that’s all-OUCH!” Peter flailed whacking Wade (alive Wade, like holy guacamole) in the nose.

“How! What!”

“Didn’t I ever mention I can’t die? Really? I never brought it up?” Peter stared down at Wade, breath rushing in and out.

“We are taking this slow, but right now, this very moment I’m going to kiss your face.” Peter dived down, pulling the mask up and out of the way. Just like the patches of skin Wade showed him in order to do testing, Wade’s face was also marked and scarred. Sure he wasn’t Ryan Reynolds but he was still hot, even with his yellowed eyes.

“You might want to rethink that baby boy.”

“Wade. Shut up.” With that Peter kissed him. In all honesty it sucked. The kiss tasted like blood and sweat, Wades head was still attaching it’s self which was gross and when the Avengers finally showed up, Wade had stuck his bloody, sticky hand down Peters pants to grab at his butt.

So ya, it sucked but that was ok cause they had all the time in the world to make it better.


	11. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup after all these months I put up one last chapter cause it didn't feel finished, I hope this helps. <3

“Ok boys and girls we found it!” Tony said as he dove low to the mansion like building. “I’ll heading in first, clear the area while Window finds Peter, Clint have your eyes peeled for any move Deadpool might make. Got it?”

“Yup.”

“Sure.”

Tony was ready for an attack, his pulse reactors held in front of him. 

“The first floor looks clear, no heat singles anywhere but the third floor, back toward the left. I’m going to say it's Peter but be ready Window.”

“Heard.” 

Tony continued to search area, nearly shrieking when he found the staged ballroom, complete with rotting bodies.

“Ok! This is one sick puppy! What the hell is wrong with this asshole?”

“Oh well a lot of things, some say it's daddy issues, others say it's all the torture and heart break from my other self's lives, and a select a few say it's all me.” Tony spun around firing at the voice coming from behind.

“WHOA! WHOA! Peter said you were much nicer! This isn’t nice what the fuck man! Chill your fireballs!” Wade cried, dodging the blast.

“What! This isn’t fire! It doesn’t even come out in ball! And speaking of Peter, what did you do to him!”

Wade threw his hands up in the air from behind the couch he ducked behind. 

“Don’t shoot! Petey pie is fine, I can prove it too or well Ms. Ninja-cool-lady can. She must be up in the bedroom by now.”

“You’re right I was.” Black Widow leaned casually on the wall beside Wade, Peter at her side, his neck red and blotchy from what could only be hickies. “Everything is fine Iron Man. Well what we would call fine. Peter why don’t you explain it huh?”

“Sure, as long as you don’t shoot Wade.” Tony didn’t want to promise that but with a shape glare from Peter Iron Man held up his pinky.

“Ok I promise not to shoot the man who knocked out your best friend, kidnapped you, held you hostage and gave you Stockholm syndrome.”

“Hey! That’s not fair, Petey and I made-out because we have adult feeling and can act on them like the old people we will become.” 

“That's...not true, we suck at talking about our feelings.” Peter said.

“Wow! Rude I thought our bond was growing stronger!” Peter gave a playful smack to Wade. Iron Man lifted his face plate in confusion. 

“So everything is weirdly fine?”

“Yup.” The men replied.

“No ‘yup’! Whats up with the dead people?!” Clint shouted popping out from an air vent.

“Holy shit, the author had to put that in there, what a lame little person.” Deadpool said with amazement. 

“What?”

“Igor him, it happens sometimes and as for the bodies, we have a big problem on our hands. They are Hydra agents and they are after Wade for his powers and i think that they might not stop until they get their hands on him.” Peter said.

“So what can you do?” Natasha asked barely looking interested. 

“Well I regrow bodies parts, all bodies parts in fact, I can’t die, I can heal fast and I have a massive like holy-shit large cock.”

They gave him a deadpan look while Peter hid his blush behind his hands.

“I can prove it!”

“NO!” They all shouted, Clint making fake gagging noises while almost falling out of the vent.

“Putting aside how weird that went, having Hydra target you is a problem. I don't trust you, hell I am probably not going to like you but it would be safer to have to stay with us while we figure out what to do.” Tony said before sending a message to Steve about their new house guest.

“You’re not even going to ask me if this is something I want?” Wade wined. 

“No because Wade Wilson you are under arrest because I say so, your sentence will be served in the Avengers Towers cause I can keep an eye out for you, anything you say will most likely be drowned out by ACAD. Peter you should stay with us as well, just in case. Ok let's go kids daddy’s got a meeting at seven and Pepper will fed me to sharks if I miss another one.” Tony rabbles as he steered the two men outside and to the jet.

“I don't know how to react to that.” Wade scratched his head.

“That's what most people say when Stark rants.” Peter laced their fingers together. “So are you ready to let people help you in a conventional way?” Wade looked down at the younger man, a smile could be seen even with the mask on.

“Ya, if it’s with you, I think so.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please Let me know if I have any mistakes. Thank you.


End file.
